What's All This Brouhaha? » Humor

Computer safety

Eric — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:27:33 +0000

The Joy of Tech offers some important warnings.

Worried about chickens!

Eric — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:04:07 +0000

I was worried that I might no longer be able to get my daily fix, but it turns out that Savage Chickens just underwent a site redesign.

World Peace out of stock

Eric — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:07:53 +0000

My friend Sellam Ismail is going to visit this weekend, and I might sell him a computer. I also might have a coin-op video game for him. In an email exchange to make plans, he asked:

Do you need anything from me?

I replied:

World peace, or failing that, maybe some whirled peas?

And his response was:

I do not currently have the resources necessary to overthrow the current US government and re-instate the Constitution, which would contribute to a more stable world order, so I will procure some whirled peas for you.

Conversation overheard in elevator

Eric — Wed, 07 May 2008 00:11:15 +0000

Three other people sharing the elevator were discussing a documentation error.Â One of them explained that a consultant had been brought in to write that documentation, but had been “thrown out the window”.

I asked, “are we actually allowed to defenestrate contractors?”

Maybe we can only do that when no one is looking.

I think this may be the first time I’ve been able to work the word “defenestrate” into a real conversation.

Defending scoundrels

Eric — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 01:42:56 +0000

On the CCTALK mailing list, I found myself in the unusual position of defending some of the design decisions that went into the original IBM Personal Computer (PC), which was introduced in August 1981 and with which all modern PCs are still largely compatible. At the end of the posting, I wrote:

[Geez, I can't believe I'm defending the engineers that developed the PC. Now I feel like I need to take a shower.]

Grumpy ol’ Fred replied:

Not gonna be enough.
It’s gonna take a lot of Jif and naval jelly

I’m not sure where and how the Jif and naval jelly need to be applied, but maybe it’s one of those things I don’t want to know.

And no, I don’t really think the designers were scoundrels. It’s from an H.L. Mencken quote, used for hyperbole.

Silly spam subject header of the day

Eric — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 02:04:54 +0000

Surplus in inches is absolutely necessary

If they’re necessary, by definition they aren’t surplus.

When the first first Gulf War broke out, I was watching the television coverage with coworkers in the company auditorium.Â There was a commercial for a pickup truck, bragging about the size of its engine.Â The voiceover said “there’s no substitute for cubic inches”, and one of my coworkers said “that’s just what my girlfriend says!”

Moving out – everything must go!

gwb — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:00:52 +0000

I heard about that other guy that was moving out and needin’ all his stuff ta disappear quicklike, and advertised on Craigslist, and got rid of it all durn fast. That got me to thinkin’. I hafta move out of my present digs by noon on January 20 of oh-nine, and I’m far too busy to deal with it. Heck, I’d probably misunderestimate the time it would take anyhow. So why don’t y’all come around that mornin’ and pick up whatever stuff ya like. The address is:

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

I hear the new owner of the place is throwin’ some sorta big shindig that day, but don’t mind that none. If anyone asks, just tell ‘em Dubya sent ya.

Thanks!
Dubya

Retired businessmen

Eric — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 19:20:28 +0000

Joe and Fred were relaxing on the beach in Florida, and struck up a conversation. Joe asked Fred what he did for a living, and Fred relied, “I owned a grocery store. Business was good, but last year there was a fire and the building burned down. I got an insurance settlement, and considered rebuilding, but I’m no spring chicken, so I decided that it was a good time to retire.”

Joe said, “That’s similar to my situation. I had a hardware store, but was wiped out by a flood, and decided to use the insurance money to retire.”

Fred thought about that for a minute, then asked, “How do you set a flood?”

Admittedly this isn’t a good time for telling flood jokes, and I’m not trying to make light of the misery of others. A completely unrelated conversation brought this joke to mind. I just made a donation to the American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund, and would encourage others to do likewise. Some companies offer matching for donations to the Red Cross; I’ll check with my employer tomorrow.

Ralphie isn’t a real dog!

Eric — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 06:14:59 +0000

I’ve suspected it for a while, but today I finally saw proof that my roommates’ dog Ralphie is a space alien or robot or something.Â The first indication was that when he plays with his stuffed animal squeaky toys, he is careful not to tug on them hard enough to damage them.Â But the incontrovertible evidence is that while he barks at most cars that drive up to the house, he does NOT bark at the mailman.Â Everyone knows that the mailman is a dog’s mortal enemy.

I’ll have to be careful not to let Ralphie see that I’ve caught on to the subterfuge, as I don’t want him to contact the mothership and have agents sent to erase my memory.

Eating oatmeal the suboptimal way

Eric — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:07:31 +0000

I’m eating my oatmeal with a fork today.Â As was said in The Matrix, “there is no spoon.” At least, not in the break room at work. I was too lazy to go to another floor in search of one.

Reminds me of an outdated joke, that used to be told before 1998:

Why does John Elway eat his cereal from a plate?

Because he lost all his bowls!

Of course, the Broncos finally won Super Bowls XXXII and XXXIII in 1998 and 1999, and Elway was voted MVP in the latter.